One year ago, Jack, Faith, and I landed in Charlotte. We were completely exhausted after over 24 hours of travel. Everything was brand new to Faith, so she mixed in nervousness with her exhaustion. By the time we landed, we spent 2 weeks with Faith in India. This time in-country was valuable to our bonding and attachment. Still, she was unsure and shy with all of the new-ness.
As we brought this shy little girl into our family, I wrestled with nervousness myself. We lead a very full life with our church, at the ball fields with the boys, lake with family, hanging out with friends, and more. I knew bonding and attachment were so important. Faith needed to understand we were mommy and daddy, and she could trust us. The rest of our life was a learning process for her too, though (what church was, extended family was trustworthy, etc.). With all of this, I was nervous that our life wouldn’t be “normal” again. I wrestled with fears of needing to pull back from church for a time and what life would actually look like at things such as lake days and ball games. What-ifs filled my mind with if we were doing all this right or not.
When Hunter was born, some dear friends gave us the best advice- he was coming into our lives, not the other way around. Therefore, with the boys, we quickly brought them along in our normal lives with us. Both boys were just weeks old the first time college students came to our house for Bible study or when we took them out to attend church. With Faith, though, I had more fears about this. Faith came from a hard place. She has a background of brokenness the boys don’t have. Because of that, we did do a few things differently with Faith, but for the most part, we kept this same motto. Faith was coming into our life.
In some ways, we broke the “rules”. We landed in Charlotte on a Wednesday. By Friday, we took her to Target (the girl LOVES to shop!). On Saturday, she had her first lake day. On Sunday, we took her to church with us. She’s our daughter, and she gets all of the full benefits (and craziness!) of being a Pattillo. This means she’s fully immersed in a church family, joins in on the lake fun, and even went on our yearly beach trip just a few weeks after being home. In those early days, she was shy. She stuck by me, which was definitely okay. We let her take the lead on peeling away from me to play with friends, venture into the lake, and connect with extended family. She absolutely amazed us, though. The more we brought her into our life, the more we saw her bond with us and her brothers. Looking back, I think entering back into normal life is one way that helped her bond with us. It’s been amazing to watch her fit right into our life over the past year. At church, she’s gone from glued to my side to running in the gym with friends. With family, she’s realized that grandparents really are more fun than parents. She plays with neighborhood friends, loves school, swims so bravely, and has the bubbliest personality.
I understand this way of life/motto with our kids may be unique. I do want to make clear that we sacrifice for and serve our children. This lifestyle comes from a deep place of biblical conviction. Jack and I understand our primary job as parents is to disciple our children in the way of the Lord. Every child, as precious as they are, comes into this world a sinner. One implication of that is they believe the world revolves around them. We want to teach our children that while we love them and they’re so special to us, the world doesn’t revolve around them, but Christ. In teaching them about the Gospel, we want to teach them Christ is central, not them. Our children are blessings and our primary ministry, but they’re not our only ministry. Part of them being our ministry means bringing them along in the ministry and mission God has called us to, which is loving them, but also loving the community, local church, and nations for the sake of the Gospel. Our children join in as we practice hospitality. They play with friends while we stay late to take down VBS decorations. We have fun staying up late playing games, watching fireworks, and enjoying sports. It’s a blessing to get to bring our children along in this abundant life God has given us.
Every adoption story is unique, and many factors lead to the various ways families handle post-adoption life. However, I wanted to use the one year anniversary of Faith being home as a time to reflect on our experience. I had many fears about what life would be like when Faith came home, and God handled every single one in greater ways than I could’ve imagined. Were there still scary moments and difficulties? Most definitely! We had some long nights, moments of fear when I went back to work, and more. Overall, though, Faith has adjusted beautifully. She’s a blessing to our family. I’m thankful for the advice of our dear friends to bring our kids along in our lives. It’s a joy to watch each one of them flourish in this crazy, wonderful, and beautiful life God has called us to.
diariesofadaughter.com 