Today is our Family Day! It’s officially been one year since Faith was placed in our arms, and we were finally a family of 5. As I reflect on this day, I’m in awe of how far Faith and our family has come. All glory to God! I wanted to take a moment today to reflect on this day that forever changed our family in the best of ways.
During our home study process, we completed a lot of education. This included preparing for the day we met Faith and brought her into our family. I don’t think any amount of education could’ve fully prepared me for that day, though. When we made our travel plans, our agency suggested we do a bonding day with Faith. This was a day to meet her and begin to get to know her before we took custody of her the following day. I was unsure about this at first, but now, I’m so grateful. Our bonding day helped prepare my heart and expectations for the reality of our placement day (the day we officially took custody).
Despite our education, I hoped our bonding and placement days would be a little more “unicorns and rainbows” than it was. Truthfully, those days were difficult. For 4 years, we waited and prayed for Faith, knowing specifically who she was for about 1.5 years of that. Her pictures hung in our home, and we watched her videos often. Yet, we were complete strangers to her. When she was brought to us, she was so shy and fearful. Since we waited so long for this day, I hoped it would be full of joy and relief. Of course, we were overjoyed to finally have her in our arms, but there was also heartbreak and grief. Faith’s precious caretakers and orphanage did the best they could for her, but still, it’s no family. Children belong in families, so we knew we were doing what was best for her by bringing her into ours. Still, my heart broke for her as she left everything she had ever known. Our bonding and placement days are examples of how grief and joy intermingle in the Christian life. We rejoiced that Faith was finally in our family, but grieved as she grieved the fear of the unknown and leaving behind the orphanage to join our family.
The following days were a mix of exhaustion, joy, and sadness. Faith needed to learn we were mommy and daddy, and she could trust us. We focused on getting to know our precious daughter, bonding with her, and attaching with her, and we did all this inside a hotel room and out and about in a country that was completely foreign to Jack and me. It really is quite the crazy scenario if you think about it. The adoption trip is one that can only fully be understood if you’ve been. It’s not a tourist vacation. We did some touristy things, but that wasn’t the main purpose of being in India. One day, our opportunity to visit the Taj Mahal fell through, so we stayed at the hotel and swam at the pool. On a tourist trip, this would be a great disappointment. For us, it was the best thing! Time to bond with Faith in the pool was exactly what we needed! It also wasn’t a mission trip. We met fellow believers while there and shared the Gospel some, but still, this was different from such trips we’d taken previously. The adoption trip is unique. We were there to meet our daughter, bond with her, complete the process, and then bring her home into our family and life. We left with a lot of sweet memories of zoos in India, figuring out tuk tuks, and the most delicious cappuccinos we’ve ever had.
I share all of this to give important insight into adoption- it involves both grief and joy. Many people look at Faith and say things such as, “She’s so lucky!” or, “She’s so blessed!” I understand this comes with the best intentions, but it forgets the grief involved with adoption. The need for adoption begins with loss. By God’s grace, he’s redeemed that. Loss will always be a part of Faith’s story, but it isn’t her whole story! Likewise, adoption isn’t her whole identity. It’s part of her story, but not her whole story. We’ll always celebrate her adoption and praise God for it, all while reminding her of who she is as an image bearer of Jesus.
Here we are one year later, and there’s a visible difference in Faith’s eyes. The fear is gone and is replaced with joy and trust. In India, we worked hard to finally get her to smile. Now, her smile lights up the room, and she has the best laugh. The truth is that we are the blessed ones. I praise God he’s given me a front-row seat to see the transformation he’s worked in Faith’s life.
I believe even more deeply now that children belong in families. Children need a mama to make them brownies and take care of them when they’re sick. They need a daddy who chases them in the yard and makes them laugh. They need grandparents to spoil them. They need siblings to play with them. They need church family who come alongside mommy and daddy in teaching them about Jesus. They need someone to watch when they say, “Watch me!”. Adoption has forever changed our family in the most beautiful ways, and I’m so grateful God gave us the strength to say, “Yes,” to his call. Every single piece of paperwork, money raised, moment of wait, difficulty, and frustration were beyond worth it to have Faith in our family.
Happy Family Day, Faith. We’re forever grateful God saw fit for you to be a Pattillo.
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