I absolutely love being a boy mom (I mean, put a baseball bat in their hands, and it’s the cutest thing ever!), but for as long as I can remember, I’ve desired to be a mom to a little girl too. With my pregnancies with both boys, I was sure they were girls, until the ultrasound very obviously proved otherwise. Of course, I’m so grateful they’re both boys! They’re quite the pair together, and they’re basically built-in best friends.
When we began our adoption process, it was never really a question of if we were going to pursue adoption of a boy or girl. We just knew the Lord would have us adopt a little girl! Now, I guess many could look at our family and think we wanted a girl for the obvious reasons, but that’s truly not our heart. If you know me, you know how excited I am about the bows, cute clothes, and monograms!! Jack is also learning that yes, the bow actually does have to match the outfit! But the truth is, we aren’t pursuing adoption of our daughter just because we couldn’t “get a girl”. Our heart for vulnerable children and our daughter specifically is just so much deeper than that.
As many know, my mom passed away in August 2012. None of my children will get to meet her on this side of eternity. Being her daughter is an honor, and having her on this earth for 22 years of my life was a gift. Our mother-daughter relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, but it sure was special. Mom showed me how to be a godly wife and mom. She taught me how to serve others through cooking meals and opening up our home. Her actions taught me to love God’s Word and teach it. Her heart taught me the importance of including others and encouraging them.
Though her life was 48 short years, her legacy lives much longer than that. This is because her legacy isn’t actually about her, but it’s about her Savior. This legacy is why my heart desires a daughter. It isn’t because I’m outnumbered by boys in my house, and indeed, raising our sons is another way to live out Mom’s legacy and glorify the Lord. It’s because I want to, by God’s grace and strength, carry on this mother-daughter relationship legacy. I will fail, I’m sure, but I pray I can instill in my daughter the wonderful, God-honoring things my mom instilled in me.
Another reason why my heart longs for a daughter is to be able to have a little girl to name after my mom. All of our kids have names with special meanings. Hunter’s first and middle name are both family names, and Isaac’s first name is biblical, while his middle name is a family name. Since I was pregnant with Hunter, I fell in LOVE with the name, Faith Cynthia. Throughout mom’s cancer and passing, the Lord remained faithful to us. Since that trial, a theme song of my life has been, “Great is Thy Faithfulness”. We chose the name Faith to represent just that, our God’s great faithfulness. He was faithful to us in the storm with mom, he has been faithful to us in our adoption process, and we know he’ll be faithful in our daughter’s life as well. Most know my mom as “Cindy,” but her full name was “Cynthia,” so choosing our daughter’s middle name was easy.
My mom has been with Jesus for almost 9 years. Looking back over these 9 years, I can see the Lord’s sovereignty and provision. I’ve been a mom for almost 7 of these 9 years, and in that time, the Lord has taught me his sufficiency. Different waves of grief hit me in regards to my mom as my children enter different seasons of life. However, in every season, he’s taught me this Truth – he is enough. Yes, my children are awesome. I love our daughter so much already. To be clear, though, my fulfillment, healing from grief, and restoration comes from the Lord. Naming our daughter after my mom is purely a means of celebration of my mom and God’s mighty works in her life and the lives of those she touched. I’m a firm believer in needing a long-term memory of God’s faithfulness. We’re so quick to forget how he’s worked in our lives, so we need markers to help us remember. Each of my children, with each of their special names with unique meanings are just that – markers of God’s goodness and faithfulness to our family.
Faith Cynthia, you’re so loved. You’re so loved by your mama, who prays she can be an example to you of what a godly woman looks like. You’re so loved by your daddy, who isn’t really sure how to match bows with outfits, but I’m so sure you two are in for the sweetest relationship. You’re so loved by your brothers, who will have to push aside some Hot Wheel tracks to make room for your baby dolls, but who I know will protect you, support you, and love you in the sweetest ways. You’re so loved by countless other friends and family members too. Most of all, you’re so loved by our faithful God. Happy birthday, sweet girl!