While at Passion 2012 with our college students, I got the phone call that Mom’s cancer was no longer in remission and her tumor had grown. It was really tough news to get. Also while at Passion 2012, they debuted a worship song called, “Lay Me Down.” One line of that song convicted me to the core:
“It will be my joy to say, Your will, Your way, always.”
As I sang these lines I was basically telling God that no matter what, His will and His ways were what I wanted. Yes, I could easily say these types of things and sing them, but did I mean it?
This song’s album came out in March of 2012 and gained popularity at youth camps and other summer events. As this happened, Mom’s health declined. I still believed with everything in me that if God wanted to, He had the power to physically heal Mom. However, it was beginning to look as if God’s will was going to heal my mom in heaven.
So, could I really sing the words, “It will be my joy to say Your will, Your way, always,” and mean it? I’m not gonna lie, it was tough. Sometimes I would say things to my husband like, “Is God’s will really my joy… even if it means that my mom passes away?” There were times I would get so choked up that the words couldn’t come out. There were times when I would sing those words and mean them… but they were the toughest words I have ever sang in my life, and I usually sang them with tears welling up in my eyes. I knew that whatever God’s will was, that it was perfect and it was best. My spirit knew that but sometimes, my flesh didn’t want to hear it. I’ll be honest, it was a constant battle.
I could have never sang those words and meant them on my own strength. It was ONLY through the power of the Holy Spirit that I was able to get those words out and mean them. Sometimes, it’s still a challenge. I think that song will always have a convicting effect on me. Honestly, I pray it has a convicting effect on you too. As Christians, we must lay down our own wills and ways to the wills and ways of Jesus Christ, and sometimes, that’s tough. I pray that through the strength of the Holy Spirit that you will be able to say and mean, “It will be my joy to say, Your Will, Your way, always.”
Take a listen to the song and let the words speak to you and convict you… just like they did to me
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